Saturday, February 23, 2013
My conversations with Him
I have been a little stressed, busy, just going through the motions every day. And, I have been forgetting to pray. I usually say a prayer each night as I good to bed. And during the day I thank God when good things happen for me or my family. It is easy to be thankful when things are going well. It is also easy to pray when you need something, when you feel burdened. But what about all the other days?
I took the long way home yesterday, along Red Cliffs Parkway. It offers a view of the St George Valley, up on the cliffs on the north end of town. The scenery is gorgeous. And, as you drive further along you can see the other side of the mountain- untouched by civilization. It is these times, when I am alone in my car that I do most of my praying. I have a little talk with God, or with one of my grandparents (because they are my Angels and also keep an eye over me). I talk out loud to Him, as if He were one of my friends (granted, I treat him like a VERY respected friend). There is no ritual, no formality to it. I sometimes wonder if that is too casual, that maybe my style is offensive to Him. But, I like to feel like I have a personal relationship with God; that I can talk to him whenever I am thankful or need comfort.
As I drove, I got this urge to stop and enjoy the view for a while. I parked my car and decided to get out and stand on the cliff edge (no, I didn't think about jumping) and I decided to say a little prayer--to literally count my blessings. I started my respectful, but casual prayer. I stood there and looked at the red rocks, the blue sky, felt the breeze. The most calming feeling came over me.
Sometimes I think that my informal conversations with God barely count as a prayer, but this experience proved me wrong. I was literally moved to tears as I felt the things that I have been worrying about lighten in my heart. Just appreciating all that He has given lifted my burden. I have the greatest respect for all he has done, all he has given me. I know that He has the power to create miracles ( I have witnessed many). I know that He has His hand in my life.
I have a hard time explaining my religious views to other people. I believe in God, and in Christ, but I have never been moved to become a member of an organized religion. I admire those that have religion, that have faith in what they believe and have a group of people that worship and support each other. I appreciate the role it plays in our communities. I understand why people choose to worship together. I respect their right to choose how/what/why they go to church. But, I also feel that religion is a very personal relationship between you and God. I feel that organized religion gets in the way of that.
The other day at work, one of the patients asked me if I was LDS. I answered no and went on to tell him that I grew up in Utah and I know a lot about the religion, meaning that he could go on and I would understand what he had planned on saying next. He replied with "you should say you are not LDS.........yet." Though I did not tell him, I was really offended by that comment. To suggest that I would eventually convert to his religion no matter what I believe about it.
I don't want to offend anybody. Many people I love and admire will read this. I understand that you all may have your own ideas about how to worship God. My way of worshiping (or "religion") works for me. Your religion works for you. Why do either one of us need to change? How can I say what is right in your life? How can I say that there is only one right way to worship? We had a Jewish man come talk to our class last semester as part of a diversity unit. He talked about his rituals, his prayers, how his faith is full of tradition and symbolism and rules about how to pray and what to eat. His faith was beautiful, touching, inspiring. His religion and his way of worship shaped his life, his decisions, even what he eats and when. I was moved by the conviction he had, the power of his faith. How could someone that believes that fully in something be doing the wrong thing? I am in no position to decide what religion is right. In my book, if you believe in something bigger than yourself, if you make a conscious choice to do good in the world and act on that choice, that is your religion. Whether you do it alone or with a group of people is not important.
I feel closest to God in two situations: when I am out in nature and when I am working with patients as a nurse. The awesomeness of this world reminds me that I am small in comparison; that my problems are nothing but a flash in the grand scheme of things. The perfection of the human body, the way every cell works as part of something bigger than itself is nothing short of a miracle. So, I choose to worship by appreciating the beauty of this world and taking care of the humans that inhabit it.
And, I will still have my little talks with God.
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I am sort of the same way. Although, I do consider myself LDS. I do not attend church services nor do I preach my views on others. My personal views are mine, and none other. I dont need a bishop or some other person to tell me how to pray, what to think, etc. I know my relationship and that is all that matters to me. I sometimes feel that my neighbors and friends (who are very heavily into the church) sometimes dont feel they can get as close to me because I do not attend services. I have had my issues with "him" over things that have happened in my life, but I also try to take a minute when something good happens, when something I didn't think would go well and ends up not being as bad as I thought it would be, to give thanks where it is needed. I do pray, not as often as I should, but I do express myself and my need to let him know my feelings. Some days Eric cringes and says he is waiting for the lightening strike for what I have said haha, but most of the time I am thankful for things in my life. I think each person has to make that decision as to what religion to be a part of, rather to go to services, etc for themselves. I look as some of those suposed great church people and some times find myself thinking, they need to go to church to make up for how they treat others during the week! No one religion is better or worse, the only choice that could be wrong is the choice to ignore that relationship completely. I think we all, on some level or another, need that relationship. I do remember going to church with you as a kid though. I like some aspects of church services, just not being told what to think or how to handle things. As for the judgement of others towards non-LDS people, I can not understand that thinking. The services I have gone to in the LDS church have not taught anything about superiority or rightness due to faith. Granted I do not read the bible or the book of Mormon as I probably should, but this judgement is sad to me. I have a hard time not judging the one who would pass judgement on some one elses beliefs. Again, I revert back to the people who need church to make up for their behavior during the week thinking. My neighbor, who is in the bishipric who is generally a decent guy (I absolutely love his wife, she is so wonderful!) who used to talk to me until he realized I didnt attend church and now tries to ignore me when he can get away with it is the funniest of all. I heard him swearing in his garage one day and when he saw that I had been outside and heard him he slinked into his house to pretend he hadnt said a thing.
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