back to normal

We had a great Christmas. Spent Christmas eve visiting with Dave's mom and step dad. Then Dave and I took the kids for Chinese food (a la Christmas Story) and checked in at the hotel. We relaxed in the hot tub and just hung out with the girls. For Christmas, we went to my Aunt Rachel's House and had a great lunch (mmm...........red chili) with my dad's family. We went to my parent's house to exchange gifts and visit, then dropped the kids off at aunt Becky's for a sleep over. Dave and I went back to hotel and went straight to bed; it had been a long day. On Sunday, we picked up the kids and went to the mall so they could spend their Christmas money. We stopped for dinner and then started the long drive home. It was great to see everybody, but I was glad to be back in my own little bed. Overall, I was glad that the focus of this year was visiting families and spending time together. The gifts seemed secondary to the great time we had with our family.

three five

I typed it that way because seeing "35" blows my mind.

I think that I am mostly satisfied with my life. I feel lucky to have a great marriage, it comes so naturally that Dave is my best friend; our relationship at times seems effortless. He has made me very happy, to say the least.

Heather, Theresa and Drew are a source of joy in my life. My children are becoming adults before my eyes. I am excited to see the people they will become. I feel like I wasn't quite settled into adult hood until I was in my mid twenties, so it will be interesting to help them on their own journey to the land of grown-ups.

I have wonderful parents and in-laws. I know that they have my back, that they will do anything they can for me; and that is a tremendous comfort. I have a network of extended family that keep me humble and grateful, and connected to the most important things in life.

I have the gift of great, long lasting friendships. Knowing that some one has seen you through the worst parts of you life and that they are still there when you need them is a blessing. I love that I can stay in touch with you, that we can still talk for hours.

I love my job. I find the patient care satisfying and fulfilling. My fellow employees and the doctors are really my second family. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like a job. I am lucky to get paid to do what I love.

The only thing that is lacking is my Nursing degree. But, that will come.

Now for the superficial stuff: I like to color, still. I really want a crayola crayon maker. I like bubblegum. I love to read. I love to just hang out at home. I like to help Dave cook. I love going to the library and the used book store here in town. I like my rainbow socks. I love to laugh. I still hate watermelon. I miss going to school. I have an obsessive need to clean. I love a good cup of coffee. I like listening to 90's pop and alternative; some of those songs were important in my formative years.

I am 35!

You know you are an adult when:


1. You buy new tires for you car on your birthday

2. You like the way your car "feels" with the new tires

3. It is the most expensive thing that you have bought on your birthday in years

Maybe, I am not alone

I was a teen mom. All of you already know that, but it is a part of who I am and the effects of becoming a parent at such a young age still come up in my life. Now, looking back, I would not change mine and Drew's experience for the world. It taught me so much about love, family and realizing that I am stronger than I think I am. Drew was born almost 2 months early, and started life with 2 strikes against him--as the son of two scared teenagers and as a preemie. I think that Jer and I did our best to help him overcome those challenges. Still, I do have some regrets. At 18, I did not have the patience or perspective to always put Drew first. I simply just did not know any better. That wisdom and understanding only come with age and experience as an adult. Drew and I grew up a lot, together. I remeber certain situations and decisions where I though I knew what I was doing. I was just a kid. I didn't have confidence in myself or the humility needed to ask for help.

I was lucky to have such a supportive family. And, it was not only my family, but Jeremy's as well. Jeremy's mom still makes a genuine effort to stay in touch with me and be a part of my life, giving what she can. Scott, (Jeremy's little brother) was the best baby sitter a girl could ask for. My mom showed such patience and understanding. Maybe those are things that would have come naturally to me if I were older. I think that everything about motherhood scared the crap out of me. My dad was Drew's best friend willing to play with him for hours and my ally in the potty-training challenge. And, despite all of our differences, Jeremy has always been a great dad to our son.

I can relate to the mothers on MTV's Teen Mom & 16 and Pregnant. There has been some media attention lately about how these shows are glorifying teen pregnancy. I wonder if those that say that have actually watched these shows. True, these girls may not be the best role models or deserve to be "celebrities", but I admire their courage to share their everyday, not always flattering, lives as teen parents. As far as their celebrity status goes, I wonder what makes them any better or worse than other celebrity specimens. Since when has being famous in this country meant that you are a good role model?

We watch these shows as a family. I want my kids to see that there are consequences to the decisions that they make. Sometimes those decisions will affect the rest of their lives. I want them to see what it is really like to have a baby. I want them to talk to me about how they feel about pre marital sex. I want them to see how these young couples struggle with parenthood. I want them to see that most of the time, these teens say that they wish they would have waited to become parents.

Drew has turned out to be a good kid, and I can't take credit for all (or even most ) of that. Now, as I deal with my 3 children in their teen years, I can't help but wonder that if I had a few more years of life experience would I would be a better mom? Maybe I would have the patience not to loose my temper so quickly, or the ability to not lecture when I only want to guide them in the right direction. Maybe I would be better able to offer a hug instead of a criticism. For the most part, I do the best that I know how. Sometimes, I feel like I don't know anything about how to parent a teenager. I always tell them that I want what is best for them, that I want them to have a better life than mine. I know that I love them, I am proud of the people that they have become. Maybe all parents have these questions and doubts.