back to normal

We had a great Christmas. Spent Christmas eve visiting with Dave's mom and step dad. Then Dave and I took the kids for Chinese food (a la Christmas Story) and checked in at the hotel. We relaxed in the hot tub and just hung out with the girls. For Christmas, we went to my Aunt Rachel's House and had a great lunch (mmm...........red chili) with my dad's family. We went to my parent's house to exchange gifts and visit, then dropped the kids off at aunt Becky's for a sleep over. Dave and I went back to hotel and went straight to bed; it had been a long day. On Sunday, we picked up the kids and went to the mall so they could spend their Christmas money. We stopped for dinner and then started the long drive home. It was great to see everybody, but I was glad to be back in my own little bed. Overall, I was glad that the focus of this year was visiting families and spending time together. The gifts seemed secondary to the great time we had with our family.

three five

I typed it that way because seeing "35" blows my mind.

I think that I am mostly satisfied with my life. I feel lucky to have a great marriage, it comes so naturally that Dave is my best friend; our relationship at times seems effortless. He has made me very happy, to say the least.

Heather, Theresa and Drew are a source of joy in my life. My children are becoming adults before my eyes. I am excited to see the people they will become. I feel like I wasn't quite settled into adult hood until I was in my mid twenties, so it will be interesting to help them on their own journey to the land of grown-ups.

I have wonderful parents and in-laws. I know that they have my back, that they will do anything they can for me; and that is a tremendous comfort. I have a network of extended family that keep me humble and grateful, and connected to the most important things in life.

I have the gift of great, long lasting friendships. Knowing that some one has seen you through the worst parts of you life and that they are still there when you need them is a blessing. I love that I can stay in touch with you, that we can still talk for hours.

I love my job. I find the patient care satisfying and fulfilling. My fellow employees and the doctors are really my second family. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like a job. I am lucky to get paid to do what I love.

The only thing that is lacking is my Nursing degree. But, that will come.

Now for the superficial stuff: I like to color, still. I really want a crayola crayon maker. I like bubblegum. I love to read. I love to just hang out at home. I like to help Dave cook. I love going to the library and the used book store here in town. I like my rainbow socks. I love to laugh. I still hate watermelon. I miss going to school. I have an obsessive need to clean. I love a good cup of coffee. I like listening to 90's pop and alternative; some of those songs were important in my formative years.

I am 35!

You know you are an adult when:


1. You buy new tires for you car on your birthday

2. You like the way your car "feels" with the new tires

3. It is the most expensive thing that you have bought on your birthday in years

Maybe, I am not alone

I was a teen mom. All of you already know that, but it is a part of who I am and the effects of becoming a parent at such a young age still come up in my life. Now, looking back, I would not change mine and Drew's experience for the world. It taught me so much about love, family and realizing that I am stronger than I think I am. Drew was born almost 2 months early, and started life with 2 strikes against him--as the son of two scared teenagers and as a preemie. I think that Jer and I did our best to help him overcome those challenges. Still, I do have some regrets. At 18, I did not have the patience or perspective to always put Drew first. I simply just did not know any better. That wisdom and understanding only come with age and experience as an adult. Drew and I grew up a lot, together. I remeber certain situations and decisions where I though I knew what I was doing. I was just a kid. I didn't have confidence in myself or the humility needed to ask for help.

I was lucky to have such a supportive family. And, it was not only my family, but Jeremy's as well. Jeremy's mom still makes a genuine effort to stay in touch with me and be a part of my life, giving what she can. Scott, (Jeremy's little brother) was the best baby sitter a girl could ask for. My mom showed such patience and understanding. Maybe those are things that would have come naturally to me if I were older. I think that everything about motherhood scared the crap out of me. My dad was Drew's best friend willing to play with him for hours and my ally in the potty-training challenge. And, despite all of our differences, Jeremy has always been a great dad to our son.

I can relate to the mothers on MTV's Teen Mom & 16 and Pregnant. There has been some media attention lately about how these shows are glorifying teen pregnancy. I wonder if those that say that have actually watched these shows. True, these girls may not be the best role models or deserve to be "celebrities", but I admire their courage to share their everyday, not always flattering, lives as teen parents. As far as their celebrity status goes, I wonder what makes them any better or worse than other celebrity specimens. Since when has being famous in this country meant that you are a good role model?

We watch these shows as a family. I want my kids to see that there are consequences to the decisions that they make. Sometimes those decisions will affect the rest of their lives. I want them to see what it is really like to have a baby. I want them to talk to me about how they feel about pre marital sex. I want them to see how these young couples struggle with parenthood. I want them to see that most of the time, these teens say that they wish they would have waited to become parents.

Drew has turned out to be a good kid, and I can't take credit for all (or even most ) of that. Now, as I deal with my 3 children in their teen years, I can't help but wonder that if I had a few more years of life experience would I would be a better mom? Maybe I would have the patience not to loose my temper so quickly, or the ability to not lecture when I only want to guide them in the right direction. Maybe I would be better able to offer a hug instead of a criticism. For the most part, I do the best that I know how. Sometimes, I feel like I don't know anything about how to parent a teenager. I always tell them that I want what is best for them, that I want them to have a better life than mine. I know that I love them, I am proud of the people that they have become. Maybe all parents have these questions and doubts.

Holiday Cheer

The tree is trimed, the halls are decked, the Christmas music is playing

It's Christmas Time!

I am Thankfull for.......

All month I have been posting things that I am Thankful for on Facebook. My friend at work said that some one at church, as part of their talk mentioned that those people who are Thankful are better able to deal with stress, and are healthier. I really believe in the mind-body-spirit connection. So, I am doing my best to remain thankful as a daily habit.

Dave was asked by his boss at Bryce Canyon Academy (the boys home) if we would be willing to have Thanksgiving there at the school with the boys and their families. Although it is not what I had planned, I think it will be a good thing. It will remind me that our kids turned out pretty darn well, that they are not drug addicts, that we still have them with us for a few short years before they all go off in the world. We will just make our Thanksgiving the next day ( I am glad that we decided to go with the ham this year). So, plans change, but maybe that is all a part of helping me be thankful.

Heart of Gold

I have been watching old episodes of Ugly Betty on Hulu. I have always wanted to watch, but it conflicted with The Office and other Thursday night shows. So, I was excited to run across all seasons of Ugly Betty online.

The episodes are a bit predictable and somewhat cheesy, but they are also sweet and comfortable. Betty, played by America Ferara (who is one of my favorite actresses), is a naive Hispanic girl that doesn't know quite where she fits in. I can soooo identify with her. She works as an assistant for the editor of a high fashion magazine, and the show echoes The Devil Wears Prada. But, there is something so likable about Betty. You really cheer for her as she struggles to be true to herself in an industry that favors beauty over substance.

The other characters are great, with the classic villains and unexpected heroes all through the story lines. I am hooked! Betty has a heart of gold, a contagious optimism and an innocence rarely seen in a leading role. I can't wait to see what comes next.

The 19th

An adult for 1 whole year. She is learning from the trials of life and figuring out that it is all different now that she is all grown up. She still loves children, hanging out with her friends, and being goofy. She is alway's a daddy's girl and a good daughter.

She is trying to decide what to do with the rest of her life now that high school is over. The options are many and the choices are hard, but we know she has all the tools that she needs to make the right ones. Happy Birthday, Heather Marie!

If I plan it, it will happen

I am determined to be stress-free this Holiday Season. Last year was hard, and the season seemed to confound all the difficulties. I am going to focus on what is really important--time with family, creating memories, appreciating what we have.

We won't be able to make it up north for Thanksgiving (Dave and I both have to work the day after), and though I was a little disappointed, I can deal. We are planning on having a simple, casual dinner at home. I want to sit around in our PJ's and watch movies and play board games all day. We will make a ham and some pies, nothing too fancy. We will enjoy the time together.

For Christmas, we will be heading to SLC, and I am looking forward to catching up with family and friends, I hope we have time to do and see everything we want. Gifts will be easy, the kids will get stockings and money, other gifts are already taken care of. But, again, I am focusing on the true spirit of the season. I really want to make it to Temple Square, I have not seen the lights for years.

For New Years, we will have a turkey dinner and another quiet evening at home, the kids may go out and do their own thing, but that is cool with me. Dave and I are good at enjoying eachother's company. The kids will have fun either way.

My Faves

As I was uploading pictures, I ran across a few of my favorite photos of the kids. This was in Zion Canyon in 2009. We stopped for a break and Drew went right for the water, Theresa went to look over the edge and Heather started snapping pictures of everything.

This is Drew in a nut shell. Imagine my delight when I found that he had taken this picture of himself in 2008. A picture is worth a thousand words.

This is Theresa about 2 years ago. I love the grin, the fact that she still loves the tire swing. It seems like this moment captures the "kid at heart" that she will always have.

Heather on the Cedar Canyon trail in 2009, laying on the rock to look over the cliff, the back back with all her most important things in it, the smile over the shoulder. She loves this trail and I love her distracted smile.

Out of the Stone Age

I have my own lap top and internet, at MY house! I love it! I had gotten so accustomed to doing things online when I was at the college everyday. It was honestly an inconvienence to have to go out to pay our bills online or order our basket. Now, I can do all that in my flannel PJ pants. Dave is awesome. But, now I want a scanner, an external hard drive, printer, etc. Does it ever end?

Homecoming 2010

Theresa and Mitch

Looking Spiffy!

I am noticing more and more gray hairs. I was frowning at them in the mirror. Then I did a quick inventory of my face. There are those zits on my chin. I am almost 35 years old, and I still have acne. Then as I was scrunching my face I noticed that the wrinkle around my eyes are getting deeper. And my hair is fuzzy. And my eyebrows need plucking.

As I was leaning over the counter and plucking a few eyebrow hairs, Dave came into the bedroom and stood behind me. I watched him watching me and offered an awkward smile. "What?!?" I asked him, a little annoyed that he was staring at me, feeling self conscious and unattractive and.........old.

He replied with "I was just thinking of how pretty you are". How does he know just what I need to hear?

Woa, when did that happen?

Kids grow fast. I am sitting here at the library with Drew while he types a paper for school. He doesn't need any help from me, other than a ride to the library. He types and prints his paper, reads it, makes corrections, types and prints again. He won't let me read it. I have mixed feeling of being proud and a sadness that his childhood has passed. Did I do a good job? Did I teach him what he needs to know? Will he be okay despite the many mistakes I made? Will he come to me when he needs help? I could go on and on.

Now that his paper is done, he is goofing off on myspace, asking me when we are leaving. I want to tell him to stop being in such a hurry. The ault world will come to you soon enough. Just sit here and be with me, let me remember you, just like this--a young man with ambition, a strong sense of adventure, silly and loving. "Let's just hang out for a while, I have a few more things to do", I tell him. He pats my back and returns to his myspace. I look at him from the corner of my eye. Then I turn to him and watch him type for a while. He catches me watching and smiles at me. When did my little guy turn into a man with arm hair? It all happened so fast.

Biology know- it- all

With all these college credits and pending Nursing school applications, what is a girl to do? I went in to talk to my adviser at SUU. I knew that I had enough credits to get an associate's (just needed to make it official) and I wanted to see how close I am to a bachelor's degree in Biology
( have about 36 credits to go). Though a little disappointed because it is not what my ultimate goal dictates, I am now the some-what proud owner of an Associate's of Applied Science in Biology. The advisor sensed my disappointment and patted me on the back when he said "This is an accomplishment, be proud of it! You worked hard for it."

So maybe I should not be so hard on myself. I have done quite a lot. Bear with me while I give myself a pep talk: I graduated high school 5 months pregnant, went to college part time while raising a young family and nurturing a new marriage. I worked 30 hours a week and attended SUU as a full time student for 3 yrs. I have an Associate's degree.

I think I feel better now. Now, we play the waiting game. I will find out about Mohave early next year, my application is turned in and waiting for review (SUU transcripts included--I called to make sure). I may take a few classes this Spring and summer to get a little closer to that Bachelor's degree which will help me in the long run.

I just wanted to say "thanks" to all of you for your continued support and faith. I need it and appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Tis the Season?

There are Christmas decorations in the stores already. Not that this is something new to me, but every year it bugs me more and more. How can we appreciate the true magic of Christmas when it is shoved down our throats before September is even over? By the time Christmas comes around, I have to try really hard to enjoy the Christmas songs that I have been hearing for months. What is wrong with waiting until Thanksgiving is over? Or even waiting until October is over? Let's start a revolt!

The Conspiracy

On Saturday, I went to Walmart to buy a few items--laundry soap, shower soap, dish soap, dryers sheets, and Spray and Wash. I looked at a few other items, wandered aimlessly and went to the check out stand proud that I had in my basket only the items that were on my list. The check out girl commented on the laundry soap--" I love that Scent; Apple Mango Tango. Did you know they have dryer sheets with the same scent?" I paid for my purchase, gathered my bags and headed home.

The next morning, I started the laundry and noticed that the laundry soap was not there. I only had enough of the old box to do a few loads, but had 5 loads waiting. I looked in my trunk-- no Apple Mango Tango there. I had left it at the store. At this point I wonder if I should go back to Walmart to retrieve it. I had the receipt, but would they believe that I had left it? Would they replace it? Is the $5 dollar price of the laundry soap worth the time it will take to go down there? I decided it wasn't. But, I swear Walmart has a conspiracy. In making the customer responsible to retrieve their bags and get them to the cart, they probably have a lot of forgotten items. Is this how they keep costs down? How many people go back to get the items? How many even notice that they were forgotten?

My solution to the piles of laundry and no soap? Send Dave to Smith's to buy more and bribe him with Diet Pepsi. Hey, whatever works.

But, YOU don't pay me

Dave accepted an offer to work in a youth treatment facility located in Parowan (20 mins north of us) this week. Dave was called in on Monday for an interview and the guy hired him on the spot. He will be working with troubled teens, something he has done before and really enjoyed. His shift is 7 am to 3 pm Mon-Friday, so he will be home just in time to start dinner every night. The other good news is that he has weekends, off---or so we thought.

When he put in his notice at the lodge, his fellow employees were sad but supportive, knowing that Dave has a family to support and needs a full time job. Dave has loved working at the lodge, the hustle and bustle of a real restaurant kitchen was exciting and comforting. He was proud that he had made such an impression on the other cooks and his supervisors, considering he had no professional experience. That night, he came home and told me about how everyone was sad that he was quitting. We talked about the possibility of him staying on part time, but it just was not going to fit into his schedule.


The next day, the lodge offered a weekend shift. Dave can come in at 2 and work until 5 or six on Saturdays and Sundays. It will just be one day for now, until ski season picks up. Dave came home boasting about how much they all love him. Worried about how much time we would have together, I said "I love you too, ya know." He just smiled and said with a wink and a chuckle, "But, you don't pay me!" '

Touche.

After realizing that he would be home every night, and that we really could use the money, we agreed to accept the weekend offer. Dave told me after the discussion that he had already told them he would do it, the stinker!


P.S. Dave was more than happy to part ways with his security job, but that is a story for another time..............

Clean = Happy

I have cleaned the house on Saturday morning my whole life, starting from the time I was old enough to help my mom. It was a tradition that was new to Dave in the beginning of our life together, but he has come to appreciate what a few good hours of scrubbing can do. The kids have a list of chores that they need to accomplish by Saturday morning at 12, whether they think their bathroom needs to be cleaned or not. I clean our bedroom and our bathroom, and wipe walls, clean the fridge, and do any other special projects. I love the smell of the house after we have cleaned it.

The kids will thank me for teaching them this work ethic when they are older. I used to think that my parents were obsessive neat freaks when they made me clean and vacuum my room EVERY week. My mom would get up on Saturday and scrub the whole house (with a few coffee breaks) and if we were home, we were expected to help. I used to love to dust, but that was about all I wanted to do. My mom would tell me to clean the bathroom, and I would grudgingly comply. Now, I am proud to say that I know all the best ways to wipe the counters and scrub the toilet ( an old toothbrush is great for all the nooks and crannies). Like so many other things my parents taught me, the appreciation comes years later when I am raising a family of my own. I think I will go call my mom and thank her for introducing me to Mr Clean and Clorox bleach.

The working man, Little nothings and tales from the Ridge

It was a busy weekend. On Saturday we went to the annual CRFM summer party. It was fun to hang out with my fellow employees. Heather and Drew went with me, Dave had to work and Theresa was gone when we left. The weather in the canyon was perfect. And, did you see that I typed "Dave had to work"? He is loving his job at the Brian Head main lodge. He works from 1-6 or 7 pm every day doing prep work (chopping veggies, making sauces, etc.) and cooking lunch. He is also doing security work again at a mine in Milford. 2 jobs! What a relief!

On Sunday we made a marathon drive up to West Jordan to buy school clothes, have a quick lunch with mom, and then home again. I gave Theresa $150 and she was able to buy 6 shirts, 5 pairs of pants and some shoes, I love Ross and TJ Max! Drew bought mostly pants (his dad took care of the shirts) and mom bought lunch, so all together it was a bargain.

Here goes everything.................................

My "NEXT" move................I recently found out that SUU never sent in my transcripts for my application to the Mohave nursing program. That explains a lot. I spoke with the head of the nursing department at Mohave Community College to ask a few questions and that is when I found out that they had no information on my classes/grades at SUU. So, I am working on a new application; cover letter, transcripts and all. I also have tons of support/advice/ well wishes to get me through the application process.

Mohave is a community college in Arizona with a (small) campus in Colorado City. Colorado City is about 70 mins from Cedar. The program at MCC is for an associate's in nursing. I can always go back to school to get a bachelor's degree. And, since I already have taken most of the classes, I will need to only commute to Colorado City once a week for classes and to St George once a week for clinicals. I will still be able to work Monday-Wednesday. It seems like a good fit. So, here goes nothing. Or, more like.....here goes everything.

Book in hand

Nothing relieves my stress more than a good, thought provoking work of fiction, or non fiction, or any book for that matter. I usually read for about 1 hour every night, my way to unwind and settle in for the night. Sometimes I end up reading untill 2 or 3 in the morning, only the thought of going to work with no sleep makes me put the bookmark between the pages.

I love talking about the books, sharing them with friends, discussing the characters that are so real in my mind. The symbolism, the climaxes, the classic themes. I am in awe of the artist of the written word, the manipulators of imagination. I have a deep respect for their talent, a desire to be one of them.

Appetite for Destruction

Finally.............Dave is the new breakfast chef at the Brian Head Lodge. He starts on Monday. I am so proud, and happy that he will be doing what he loves. Thanks to God that some one was willing to give him a chance to dazzle them with his culinary skills. Before, those amazing talents were only sampled by a lucky, select few. He is on cloud nine. i am breathing a sigh of relief. the only problem is that now he won't be home to make my breakfast. I will get over it.

Out of Touch

Has it really been 2 weeks since my last post? Have you all missed me? Not much new to report.

Heather is working (babysitting) most days and volunteering, too. Theresa is looking for a job and enjoying the summer before her senior year. Drew is just being a 16 year old boy, whatever that entails (I am not sure I will ever understand....). Dave and I are reading a lot and making plans for the next couple of years. Pretty much the same old stuff.

Theresa Caitlyn is 17!

She loves to draw and is known to spend all day on one picture, making it perfect. She likes school and plans on studying Physical Therapy as she prepares to go to college next year. She is smart with her money and takes pride in saving it for something. She is mature and responsible, has her daddy's intelligent sense of humor. She loves to hang out with her boyfriend Mitchell, listen to his band and wander around town with their friends. She loves music and is always humming a tune. She still loves to watch Sponge Bob and giggles at Wipeout. She is a chameleon who can change her hair style and color on a monthly basis and manage to always make it work. We are happy to have her as a part of our lives and we know we can trust her to do what is right. But, we will always call her Stinky.

Drew at 16

I just remembered that I went to the theater to see The Lion King the night before Drew was born. Just like Simba, Drew has grown into a smart, resilient young man who is full of spunk and courage. He spends most of his days playing Halo 3 on the X box and hanging out with his best friend, Jamon. He is still a Star Wars fan (smart boy) and loves to watch movies and go hiking on the trails around our neighborhood. Dave and Drew like to bond over nerdy comic book characters and discuss video games. Drew will still come cuddle with me on the couch, when it is his idea. He loves his green Converse shoes, Metallica t-shirt and hates his curly dark brown hair. He is shaving now, at least 3 times a week! He will be getting his Learner's permit soon and will be driving before we know it. I could not be happier with the person he is becoming. I guess it is time to stop calling him my Drewper. Then again, maybe not.

a day in the life

A typical Day in my life

7:15- alarm goes off, I push the snooze button
7:30- get out of bed and into the shower, stand under the water for a few minutes, then shampoo, condition, wash body and face, rinse
7:45- put contacts in, apply mousse and scrunch unruly, curly locks, put on smelly girl-lotion
8:00- find something for breakfast, switch on the TV news, put on eyleliner (pluck eyebrows if neccesary), wonder why I still have zits at age 34
8:30- rinse off breakfast dishes, brush & floss teeth, , blow dry hair, put on scrubs (make sure I have the right color so I match my coworkers--we have a color for everyday of the week so our docs know who to give orders to)
9:00-bug Dave (this involves poking and tickling), put on shoes and socks, pack a lunch
9:15-leave for work
9:30-arrive at work and attempt to takle phone messages and start up computer
10:00- Bring back the first pt of the day (get wieght, B/P, pulse, chief complaint, check protocols, go over patients' med list and allergies and enter all data into laptop)
10:15-return phone calls, answer pt questions, call in meds to pharmacy, get next patient, repeat untill 1:20
1:30-2:40- lunch break --Eat or run various errands, resist the urge to but giant soda from gas station
2:40-6:00 patients, phone calls, etc.
6:15- Arrive home, find out where the children are, change out of my scrubs, pick up Dave's mess in the bedroom, help Dave finish dinner (During school, I usually go to the campus library untill 8 or 9 to study and work on assignments)
6:30-7:00- Enjoy whatever Dave has cooked
7:00-7:15-clean up the kitchen, load the dishwasher, run any errands (paying bills, grocery store, etc.)
7:30-If I am home, enjoy some TV time, look at workout DVD and vow to start doing it
8:30 or 9:00--read, go through the mail, have deep meaningfull discussions with Dave or the kids, maybe bake something or have a piece of fruit, or watch more TV because I can. During school, this is typically dinner time and more studying
11:00- this is special time for me and Dave. We catch up on the day's events, read together, or just talk. The kids have to go to their bedrooms so that we can have this time alone everyday
12:00- try to read just one more chapter and go to bed, hoping for friday to come soon

nothing to say, but

I really don't have a creative idea for a blog post this week. We are doing okay. Dave is still job hunting. I am happy at work, the kids are happy it is summer time. I have a list of things I would like to get done, but can't find the motivation lately. I am reviewing old class notes (pathophysiology, chemistry, etc.) to keep all that knowledge in my head. As for now, the nursing school plan is to just keep applying untill I am accepted somewhere. I will apply to SUU, Mohave Community (the campus is in Colorado City, 1 hour away), and Dixie. I am also meeting with the director of SUU's nursing program next week to see if she can help me make my application better. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong, it seems to me that I am an ideal canidate for any nursing program. I have 11 years of experience as an MA, 10 years of volunteer experience, good grades. I hope her input will help. Cross your fingers for me.

Well, that is it for now. I will think of something fun for next week.

Ahhh

It was just a few days away, full of hard work. But, it was just what I needed. I feel rejuvenated, and Dave and I remember why we fell in love in the first place. Thanks, Jim and Barb.

Heather CLASS OF 2010

She made it!

I am the shortest one in the family............ by about 1 foot!

Ode to Mom

I was reading back through some old posts, and I realized that though I mention my dad a lot, I hardly ever talk about my mom. She has made just as much of an impreesion in my life, but while my dad chooses crazy antics and sound advice, my mom's support comes from strong hugs and whispered "I love you"s.

I remember standing in the kitchen while she taught me to make gravy (stir, stir, stir so the flour does not clump) and being there to wrap me in a warm towel after a bath. She would drop anything when I needed a hug and hold me untill it was all better. She still does. Even though I am far away, she is there when I call her, there to listen when parenting teenagers gets to be too much. She puts everything into perspective and tells me that my kids are wonderful people; that I am doing a good job, that I don't need to worry.

I have often thought about the mother-daughter relationship. For a long time, I was not sure how I fit in as a "step mother". When the girls came to live with us I was not sure how to make the transition from "week end mom" to "full time mom". Admitedly, I made mistakes. But, I only wanted what was best for them. I always had their best interest at heart. I had my own mom to serve as a role model when I was unsure. Now the girls are young women and though our relationships are not perfect, I love them. They are my girls, and I am proud of them. When they make mitakes, I will always be there with a hug.

I am also lucky to have a good relationship with my mother-in-law. Though we are still getting to know each other, she makes me feel like one heck of a lady for putting up with her son (it's my pleasure, believe me!). She helps me feel confidant that I am doing right by my kids and offers support when I am having a hard time. She spoils my children, and I appreciate all she has to offer as a mom and grandma. Here is a heartfelt thanks and I love you.

I made some bad choices as a young adult, I am sure it was hard for my mom to watch. Even though she did not agree, she was there no matter how bad I screwed up. She held my hand through the worst of it. Strong, silent support. When she watched her teenage daughter become a mother she was there, holding my hand. When I finally ending things with Jeremy, she was there. When I moved back home, she was there. When I learned the hard lessons that a young woman must learn, she was there. And, when Dave proposed she held my hand as her eyes filled with happy tears.

Mom, I would not be the woman, wife and mother I am today without you. I love you!

Love what you do

My dad always told me you can rent out your mind, or you can rent out your back-it's up to you. I am lucky to have a job that I love (where I rent my mind). And, because I love my job I think I am able to do it better. The docs I work with are like older brothers to me. The girls are some of my best friends. We laugh and joke with each other, we are there to support each other---oh and we take care of our patients as well.

The patient care is challenging, rewarding and inspiring. I love interacting with them, watching their children grow up, supporting them through their pregnancies. My job is really like a second home to me. I can't imagine working any where else. I really feel the impact that we make in the lives of our patients.

I realize that I am blessed to have this great place to work. I appreciate CRFM. I think it is important to do something you love, and to do it with all your heart.

SPRING

I think I can officially switch the thermostat to the "cool" setting. Spring is here to stay; no more snow, I hope. The Mack house is getting ready for the end of the school year. Heather's graduation will be on Friday the 28th at 4 pm in the SUU Centrum. We are planning to have drinks and refreshments at our place after the ceremony. Heahter is having her senoir pictures done soon. She is at the state track finals this weekend--we will find out tonight how she did (Go Cedar Redman!) Theresa got all of her AP art turned in, now her portfolio is being reviewed to see if she will get the AP credit. Her pieces were wonderful; so full of talent! She drew a great elephant picture for me for Mother's day. Drew got 100% on his geography test, his grades keep getting better and better. He kicks Dave's butt on the XBOX--funny to watch. We are excited for Summer to begin. I am trying to plan a few family hikes. We have been waiting for warm weather to go on the Kanarraville Falls trail, as it is mostly through the stream that goes up the canyon. I can't wait. Hopefully we will get up to Bruce Canyon this year, too. I am also hoping to get up to SLC this summer to see everyone. I will keep you all posted.

I heart cheap produce

About a month ago, Dave and I ordered a basket of fruits and veggies from Bountiful Baskets.org. One of my co workers told me about it. Bountiful Baskets is a food co-op that buys produce in bulk and then sells it at a very discounted rate. You need to register on their website, order your basket on Monday evening, and pick up the basket at various locations on Saturday morning, but you get a laundry basket (literally) full of fruit and veggies; all for $15.00 I think there is a pick up site in most communities around Utah. All they ask is that you volunteer for them 4-5 times a year to help keep costs down.

We have recived tons of apples, pineapple, clementines, lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes and carrots. We also get some exotic items such as mangoes, swiss chard and eggplant. Every week is a little different. We liked it so much, we started ordering 2 baskets every week. We have never bought this much produce because it gets so expensive. Now I am begging the kids to eat more apples and bananas. I have fresh fruit in our freezer for smoothies, as well as in our fruit bowl for snacks. We always have a fresh veggie for dinner. We had never tried swiss chard, but Dave and I both like it (kind of likes beets mixed with spinach). We also have broccoli, carrots, celery and onions chopped and stored in our frezer to add to whatever Dave is cooking.
We feel better, meals are more exciting and we are saving a ton of money on our groceries. We have just had to by a few cuts of meat, dairy, a few pantry items and a few side dishes. It is great for me, I have found it easier to maker better food choices with fresh produce always around. (I am down a total of 32 pounds as of today). You have gotta try it!

Lessons from Geese

SO my weekly blog post has bee bi-weekly as of late, but I have been busy. I ran across this article in a text book and I liked it so much I thought I would share. Enjoy!










Lessons From Geese

Fact #1: As each goose flaps its wings, it creates an uplift for the birds that follow. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than could be achieved if they flew alone.

Fact #2: When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It immediately moves back in formation.

Fact #3: When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into formation and another goose flies into the front position.

Fact #4: The geese flying in formation honk to encourage those in front to keep up their speed.

Fact #5: When a goose gets sick or is shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it untill it can fly again or it dies. The 2 geese then launch out with a new flock or catch up with their old flock.


Amazing what we can learn from a few birds.

Rose-colored glasses

I have been guilty of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. I have even called myself a hopeless romantic on occasion. When I married Dave, I had a pretty good idea what it would take to have a happy marriage (only a few of my theories on "What marriage should be" needed to be adjusted). It is not always easy, but it is always worth it.

The reason for this rant is that I keep hearing about people, right here in Cedar City, having affairs on their spouses. I don't get it. I try to understand why people feel that they need to do this. If you are so unhappy, get a divorce. Divorce--that also make me sad. When I hear about couple who have decided to end their marriage, my heart sinks.

As for me, when I stood before my family and friends with our kids at my side and promised to love Dave (through thick and thin, for rich or for poor, etc) it was a promise that I took very seriously. I admit that I had told Dave before we got married that the only thing I would not forgive him for is adultery. And, I don't mean to say that I think divorce is the wrong thing to do in all situations. I just feel that people take the easy way out too often.

I think that couples get married too young. They have an unrealistic, media-fueled idea of what marriage should be. They have no idea what the reality of it is. It is hard work. It is even harder when there are kids that depend on you. It takes a commitment, every day. It takes time and affection, communication.

I have a happy marriage. Dave is my soul-mate. I love him and our family more than anything. Nothing is worth giving that up. I work on our relationship. Dave works on our relationship. Together we try to raise our children and make our way in this world. We laugh every day. We support each other. We argue about some things but we always find a way to compromise. We spend time just talking, even if it is for only 15 mins.

The good times far out weigh the bad times. I can't imagine finding comfort in another mans arms. I don't see how I could ever give up on the life we have together. We have been through the hardest of times (custody battles, college, job loss, teenage kids). The fact that we made it through only makes me more committed to our marriage.

We both brought in the lessons we learned from past relationships. I knew what I wanted out of a relationship and I made sure that I could get that from Dave before I married him. He learned from his first marriage what he valued in a spouse, and he made darn sure that we were compatible before he popped the question. We lived together for 5 months before we got engaged, but I knew that when I moved in that I was going to marry him. We just wanted to make sure that it was all going to work out before we made that promise to each other. I have no regrets.

Cheating on your spouse is not an option for me. Getting divorced is something I can't imagine. I am in this for life, through thick and thin. My family is more important then the temporary solution of infidelity. If I am not getting what I need from my spouse, I tell him so. If I am unhappy about something, I take steps to fix it. This is what is right for me. Maybe I am being too judgmental of these people that feel that adultery is an option.

I know that I have to take my rose-colored glasses off sometimes. I still like what I see without them.

Short and Sweet.

It has been so busy! I totally avoided school work during spring break, and now I am paying the price. But, there is only another month to go until the semester ends. Dave has put in a few more applications; we are praying for something to work out. The kids are busy with school. I can't believe that Heather will graduate in 2 months! Life for me is going to work, coming home to eat dinner, watching some TV, doing more homework.........over and over. All this hard work will pay off, right?????

Dave has been a great help---making dinner, buying groceries, working on the never-ending honey-do list. The kids keep on top of the housework, and that helps me more than they will ever know. We will get through it, with faith, love and support. We will make it. Love to you all!

Ahhhhh

That's my dad, as a little boy. I can see the family resemblance in me and Drew, especially Cris. I am inspired to find some more old pictures.......need to raid mom's picture boxes!

guess what came in the mail?

So, I did find another pair of jeans on the Old Navy website, and they were only $19.00
instead of 32.50. Honestly, what else could go wrong? So, I ordered them (in the right length and the right size) and only had to wait for 1 1/2 weeks to get them. On line shopping is not for the impatient. But, despite all the problems, I will probably do it again. And, I looked super-cute when we went to the grocery store; what can I say, I find pleasure in the little things.

The saga continues......

I just got an email from Old Navy.com, The item (my jeans) I have selected is no longer available. Unbelievable! They will credit the 32.50 to my account. Maybe I will see if I can find another pair, or maybe I won't bother at all!

The big four-oh

My Dave: He knows more about history, politics and zombies than anyone I have ever met. He makes me laugh everyday. He is a great Dad, a supportive partner and an excellent chef. He would die to protect his family, has an unfailing loyalty and a sarcastic, witty sense of humor. He is stubborn, but that is not always a bad thing.

He appreciates the simple pleasures- getting lost in a good book (he reads 2-3 novels a week) sharing a good meal, and passing the hours with great conversation. He is my rock; the person I run to when things go wrong and the first person I want to share good news with. His laughs are a true reflection of joy and are contagious. In our everyday lives, he is sure to always make time for us. He makes me feel loved and protected. I am honored to be his wife, blessed to share this life with him.

Happy Birthday, David Mack! I can't imagine life without you, I can't wait to come home to your big hugs and bright smile. I am glad to have you to celebrate the good times and your support in the bad times. We have made it through so much together and always come out stronger in the end. I hope you get what you wished for,
Love, Ang

All I wanted was a pair of jeans!

I have bought a few things on line before. Living in a small town with a Wall-Mart and a few other clothing stores doesn't offer many options. St George is 45 mins away, and we usually will go down if we really need something. But for the sake of time and convenience, I have ordered shoes and books on line with no glitches. I have been weary of buying clothes on line, but Dave has done it and it seemed easy enough.

So when I got a little extra money back in January, I decided to buy a much needed pair of jeans on line after a fruitless search at my usual shopping places. I checked the stores here in Cedar City, but besides Wal mart (I was going to splurge and buy a NICE pair of jeans for once) the clothing stores are a little too trendy for my taste. Still, I went in and tried a few pairs on. I don't like the faded "distressed look"--cute for women under 25 or women who are much more trendy than I--just not for me. We were down in St George the next weekend, and I even went to a few stores there. I like the dark wash jeans at Lane Bryant, but they are $50 bucks, and of course there is nothing on the clearance rack. I am short, and I need petite-length jeans. And, apparently, they never make it to the clearance rack.

After realizing that I was not going to find what I wanted, I decided to see what I could find on the 'net. I went to Old Navy and found a great pair for only $32.50. Score! And, a super cute shirt on clearance. Awesome! Now, I had to decide on size. Sigh, I wish I could try them on. But, I checked the return policy and it was very reasonable (just package everything up and send it back-they will pay shipping and send you a new item) so I added them to my cute little on line shopping cart.

I also read the comments that customers post about the item. The jeans were "a great fit, true to size" according to most testimonials. Okay, so I did it. I purchased the jeans, and the shirt. And, I waited. 5 days later, the package arrived. I was so excited to have my jeans. I went back into the bedroom to try them on. The color was just what I wanted, the length was perfect, but they were TOO BIG! Ughhh! Or, maybe I was happy that they were too big, I am trying to eat better after all. At any rate, I had to send them back (the shirt was too big, too.)

The about 4 days later, I had finally managed to print the free shipping label and take the pants to the UPS store. I included my completed exchange form, including the code for "too big". I sent them on their merry way, back to Old Navy, and I waited, again. About a week later, I got an email stating that the shirt I had ordered is no longer in stock, so the will put the refund amount on my credit card. Ok, no big deal. What I really wanted was the jeans, anyway.

Later that same week, on Saturday, my package arrived. I was excited to be able to finally wear my jeans--I had an outfit all planned to go to the grocery store in later. I went back to put them on, and ........they were now TOO LONG! I forgot to specify on my exchange that I wanted the petite length! UGHHHHHH! So, as Dave laughed at me (admittedly, this is a funny story) I packaged them all back up and got them ready to take back to the UPS store, again. I made sure that the exchange form had the right code entered in for petite. I think the UPS lady laughed at me, too.

So here we are, a month later, and I am still waiting for my jeans. I hope they come on Saturday, I still have my grocery shopping out fit picked out!

Mack Luck

Having the last name of MACK means that when things get bad, they get really bad. But, when thing are good, they are really good. This is the pendulum that Dave calls "Mack Luck". Last year was tough, but I have a good feeling about this year. Dave told me the other day that my "Pollyanna" out-look counters his pessimistic view perfectly. I hope that Pollyanna wins this time. It is time for the pendulum to swing the other way.

Self inspiration.....when times get tough

I wrote this essay for a class when I started here at SUU. When I feel like slacking off, I get it out and read it to remind myself that the hard work is worth it. Sometimes I need a little motivation to be my best.





I see my academic life as a block of wood. This piece of wood has all the potential in the world to become a beautiful sculpture or it can remain just a block of wood. I have always been a smart, curious and determined person. In school, my teachers would tell me “You are bright, but your work doesn’t reflect your intelligence. You would get better grades if you would just turn in your assignments.” It was the same things that held me back year after year. I would start my assignments and projects with all the gusto in the world. Then when things got challenging or didn’t go the way I had planned, I was quick to give up or turn in a semi-completed assignment. I knew that I could do better. The problem was that I didn’t know how to do better. I knew what I wanted, but not how to get it. These problems damaged my block of wood.


I had some bad habits engrained into my academic life. Because I knew that I could turn out “acceptable” work the night before it was due, I would procrastinate until the last possible second. I would make any excuse to myself to justify putting the work off. I would do the bare minimum of the required work and blame the teacher for my poor progress. I would loose sight of the big picture; the reason I was in school in the first place. I never asked for help or met with a teacher when I was having problems. It seemed that school would always be something that I would have to struggle with. I had this marred, beaten piece of wood, and these blemishes need to be sanded and smoothed.


Now, I have a wood shop of academic tools and skills at my disposal. I know that I can overcome the pull of procrastination and blame by taking responsibility for my thoughts and managing my time. I study smart by involving color and movement, preview, and input/output techniques. I pay attention to my inner voice and direct it, inspire it, recharge it. I see my professors as partners in my education and know that they want me to succeed. I utilize programs and services offered by the University, such as tutoring and advising. I keep the big picture in mind, and remind myself that it will all be worth it. I display visual reminders of what I want to achieve so that it is constantly on my mind. I give my work my best effort at all times, not for the grade but for my own sense of accomplishment. My block of wood is beginning to turn into something spectacular.


Even with my array of skills and tools, I still have work to do. These tools are brand new, and they are bound to cause a few blisters. I still have trouble with procrastination. There are evenings when I loose my motivation and I convince myself that I need a break. The problem is I end up taking “a break” all night and pay the price for the rest of the week. I will schedule some free time for myself that includes a weekly family night, a bi-weekly date with my husband and a night out with my friends every month, and I will feel good about doing it. I will let go of guilt and blame. I will choose to overcome challenges by asking for help when I need it and believing in myself. I will be determined and focused and I will face challenges with excitement and courage. I plan to stay in touch with my goals. My block is going to need my time and attention to become a finished piece of art.


I know how to get what I want, and I have the power to get it. The possibilities of the world are on my doorstep. I plan to work hard, enjoy the stimulation of college life, and I will get my college degree. I plan to be Angie Mack, RN. I will take my block of wood and make it into something amazing.

Quirky Ang

These are some of the weird/odd/strange things I do. I saw this on Becca's blog a while ago, have been meaning to do it ever since. Here of some of the things that make me the silly girl I am.


1. When I eat potato chips, I have to eat the broken ones first. I like to sort my food, I have to match my french fries by size and eat 2 that are the same size at a time. I sort a lot of things like this--- carrot sticks, pretzels, etc.


2. I can't have the TV or the radio up too loud. It makes me feel anxious and distracted. I constantly tell Dave and the kids "turn it down!" Sometimes all I have to do is gave Dave a certain look and he'll grab the remote. I think I may have ADD, or OCD.


3. I love a clean toilet. I clean ours 2-3 times a week. When it is all shiny and smells like bleach I am happy. I love having a clean house and am never fully relaxed until it is clean and organized. I used to be a lot worse, Dave has helped me able to let things go.........sometimes........


4. I don't like to be late. In fact if I am not 10 mins early, I feel like I am late.


5. I have lip stuff on me at all times. When I was a Kid, I used to eat my dad's cherry chapstick whenever I got my hands on it.(I was 3-4 years old) I have an obsession with lip gloss, chapstick, and lipsmackers. I have a tube in my purse, one in my car, 2 at my desk at wort and about 5 back ups in my bathroom drawer.


6. After reading this, I realize I must have OCD.

Honest, useful advice. How about that for a change.

I have hesitated posting that I am trying to lose weight. I am not sure why, really. Maybe it's because if I just gave up, only Dave would know about it (as nothing in my life is a secret from him). Or maybe I was afraid of being judged on something I am rather sensitive about. But, as I have been making a conscious effort since November to make better food choices (eat less junk and eat more fruits and veggies, smaller portions, all that) I feel like I'm not really giving up a lot. I have actually been excited about eating more fruit. I feel better, physically and emotionally.


It all started with Regan. She is a dietitian employed by our clinic to run a weight loss program. We, as employees get to participate. As part of the program, we had a one-on-one meeting with Regan. In this meeting, she talked to me about my lifestyle, my eating habits and most importantly, my feelings about food. I found a mentor in her (She has successfully lost 80+ pounds and changed her life.) We set realistic, honest goals, and it is working. We also have a weekly weigh in and support group that helps me be accountable to someone. I started counting calories and measuring portions. I am satisfied with just a little ice cream, if I even eat it at all. I am amazed at how easy it is, most of the time.


There are hard days, there have been days when I didn't count calories because I just didn't care. The holidays were hard, there was chocolate everywhere I looked. Sometimes I feel deprived. But, I try not to see this as a "diet". It is my new life. I start everyday new. I get support from Dave and my coworkers. I am not mean to myself when I make a bad choice and I strive to do better next time. And, when I have a hard time, Regan's blog always helps. I love to read it. There is an honesty and humor that I can soooo relate to. It makes all the difference some days. I would like to share it with all of you. I have also added her to my "staying connected" links.



http://www.reganwilsonrd.com/

Resolve, every day

I like to set Resolutions because I like to set goals. And, I don't just do it on New Years. I set small goals everyday (today, I will not eat the candy in the office) and big goals that take a little work everyday (I will have a happy marriage). I constantly work towards professional, school and persona goals. One step at a time, and those small steps add up fast! I don't always succeed, but if there is a failure it is ususally small and I start the next day fresh. Tomorrow is always (almost always) better than today. And, I learn from my mistakes. Sometimes the lesson is hard but it always helps me grow emotionally and spiritually. I guess being an eternal optimist helps.

Why I love Facebook

I have never been really good at staying in touch with people. I always have the best intentions, but something goes wrong between intentions and actions. I love the fact that I can log in and see what my family is up to. I know that my aunts celebrated the new year with Jose Cuervo. I know that Hiram saw Avatar. I see what Crystal and Teri are planning. I love it! In less than 10 mins I can send a quick "hello" or comment to friends all around the country and see their answers to the endless, silly personality quizzes (I just found out what 80's song I am.)

With FB, I can keep in touch. I can see pictures of my family and friends. I can laugh along with my aunt 300 miles away. I have gotten to know my dad's cousins, Dave's high school buddy, and satisfied my nostalgia for high school friends. I get support when I am feeling down, encouragement when things get tough. How did I ever live without it?