When I was a little girl, my dad told me that If I planted Cheerios in the ground they would grow into doughnut trees. He also told me that brown cows made chocolate milk. I thought he knew everything, and I believed him. And I planted my Cheerios.
The relationship between dad and daughter is not always an easy one, but there is no denying the magic. I see Dave struggling to let his little girl go. Heather will be 18 in less than a month. It is not easy for either of us, but Dave is finding it difficult to realize that we need to let her make some of her own decisions, and her own mistakes. I can see the pride in his eyes when he talks about her--a pride that is mixed with the pain of knowing she is a woman now. I think the pain is because he is not sure of what his role in her life is. She still calls him Daddy and in the same breath she is arguing with him about her plans for next year. I am not sure how to help.
I remember this stage between myself and my own father, and I tell Dave "at least she's not pregnant!" (on my 18th birthday, Drew was a clump of cells in my uterus, only a few weeks old)
Dave does NOT see the humor in that. I tell him that he will always be her daddy, no matter how old she is. I also tell him that she will grow up and make mistakes and do things that we won't approve of (can we say Mickey Mouse tattoo?) but she will always come back and we will always be there for her. There is something so amazing about knowing that your dad will always love you, no matter how bad you screw up. Knowing that he will be there to celebrate the good times and he will help you fix the hard times. It is comforting to know that he will always tease you and tell you to check the oil in your car, call you and lay the guilt down for not calling him first. I know these things because I have a daddy of my own.
As for the Cheerios, one morning I went out to water them and to my amazement, they had finally sprouted. There in the ground were tree branches with powdered doughnuts on the branches. The magic had worked.
2 comments:
i too struggled with these ideas. i didnt know where to but in and where not to. i also had a tendancy to treat them as though they were little boys when they were in fact young men who were capable to caring for themselves as they had been doing so for a while before i met them. its a hard boundary to keep and to know. i sympathize with your situation and with Dave's. its hard to let go and to realize when to step in and when to let them fall. but at least she has a better relationship with her daddy than i did and thank god she isnt pregnant. thats more than most dads get.
Thank you so much for all your love and concern for Heather and Theresa. Especially for the love you give David. It was a wonderful day when he had the good sence to invite you into his life. thank you for agreeing to join him. What a blessing you have been to them all. I really enjoy your insights. You have a very wonderful way of expressing your feelings. Thanks again. Barb
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