I like this speech, good advice not only for graduates but for anyone moving on to the next chapter in life
-- Adapted from "10½ Things No Commencement Speaker Has Ever Said," by Charles Wheelan. To be published May 7 by W.W. Norton & Co.
Class of 2012,
I became sick of commencement speeches at about your age. My first job out of
college was writing speeches for the governor of Maine. Every spring, I would
offer extraordinary tidbits of wisdom to 22-year-olds—which was quite a feat
given that I was 23 at the time. In the decades since, I've spent most of my
career teaching economics and public policy. In particular, I've studied
happiness and well-being, about which we now know a great deal. And I've found
that the saccharine and over-optimistic words of the typical commencement
address hold few of the lessons young people really need to hear about what
lies ahead. Here, then, is what I wish someone had told the Class of 1988:
1. Your time in fraternity basements was well spent. The
same goes for the time you spent playing intramural sports, working on the
school newspaper or just hanging with friends. Research tells us that one of
the most important causal factors associated with happiness and well-being is
your meaningful connections with other human beings. Look around today.
Certainly one benchmark of your postgraduation success should be how many of
these people are still your close friends in 10 or 20 years.
2. Some of your worst days lie ahead. Graduation is a happy
day. But my job is to tell you that if you are going to do anything worthwhile,
you will face periods of grinding self-doubt and failure. Be prepared to work
through them. I'll spare you my personal details, other than to say that one
year after college graduation I had no job, less than $500 in assets, and I was
living with an elderly retired couple. The only difference between when I
graduated and today is that now no one can afford to retire.
3. Don't make the world worse. I know that I'm supposed to
tell you to aspire to great things. But I'm going to lower the bar here: Just
don't use your prodigious talents to mess things up. Too many smart people are
doing that already. And if you really want to cause social mayhem, it helps to
have an Ivy League degree. You are smart and motivated and creative. Everyone
will tell you that you can change the world. They are right, but remember that
"changing the world" also can include things like skirting financial
regulations and selling unhealthy foods to increasingly obese children. I am
not asking you to cure cancer. I am just asking you not to spread it.
4. Marry someone smarter than you are. When I was getting a
Ph.D., my wife Leah had a steady income. When she wanted to start a software
company, I had a job with health benefits. (To clarify, having a "spouse
with benefits" is different from having a "friend with
benefits.") You will do better in life if you have a second economic oar
in the water. I also want to alert you to the fact that commencement is like
shooting smart fish in a barrel. The Phi Beta Kappa members will have
pink-and-blue ribbons on their gowns. The summa cum laude graduates have their
names printed in the program. Seize the opportunity!
5. Help stop the Little League arms race. Kids' sports are
becoming ridiculously structured and competitive. What happened to playing
baseball because it's fun? We are systematically creating races out of things
that ought to be a journey. We know that success isn't about simply running
faster than everyone else in some predetermined direction. Yet the message we
are sending from birth is that if you don't make the traveling soccer team or
get into the "right" school, then you will somehow finish life with
fewer points than everyone else. That's not right. You'll never read the
following obituary: "Bob Smith died yesterday at the age of 74. He
finished life in 186th place."
6. Read obituaries. They are just like biographies, only
shorter. They remind us that interesting, successful people rarely lead
orderly, linear lives.
7. Your parents don't want what is best for you. They want
what is good for you, which isn't always the same thing. There is a natural
instinct to protect our children from risk and discomfort, and therefore to
urge safe choices. Theodore Roosevelt—soldier, explorer, president—once
remarked, "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to
succeed." Great quote, but I am willing to bet that Teddy's mother wanted
him to be a doctor or a lawyer.
8. Don't model your life after a circus animal. Performing
animals do tricks because their trainers throw them peanuts or small fish for
doing so. You should aspire to do better. You will be a friend, a parent, a
coach, an employee—and so on. But only in your job will you be explicitly
evaluated and rewarded for your performance. Don't let your life decisions be
distorted by the fact that your boss is the only one tossing you peanuts. If
you leave a work task undone in order to meet a friend for dinner, then you are
"shirking" your work. But it's also true that if you cancel dinner to
finish your work, then you are shirking your friendship. That's just not how we
usually think of it.
9. It's all borrowed time. You shouldn't take anything for
granted, not even tomorrow. I offer you the "hit by a bus" rule.
Would I regret spending my life this way if I were to get hit by a bus next
week or next year? And the important corollary: Does this path lead to a life I
will be happy with and proud of in 10 or 20 years if I
don't get
hit by a bus.
10. Don't try to be great. Being great involves luck and
other circumstances beyond your control. The less you think about being great,
the more likely it is to happen. And if it doesn't, there is absolutely nothing
wrong with being solid.
Good luck and congratulations.
