I have been guilty of seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. I have even called myself a hopeless romantic on occasion. When I married Dave, I had a pretty good idea what it would take to have a happy marriage (only a few of my theories on "What marriage should be" needed to be adjusted). It is not always easy, but it is always worth it.
The reason for this rant is that I keep hearing about people, right here in Cedar City, having affairs on their spouses. I don't get it. I try to understand why people feel that they need to do this. If you are so unhappy, get a divorce. Divorce--that also make me sad. When I hear about couple who have decided to end their marriage, my heart sinks.
As for me, when I stood before my family and friends with our kids at my side and promised to love Dave (through thick and thin, for rich or for poor, etc) it was a promise that I took very seriously. I admit that I had told Dave before we got married that the only thing I would not forgive him for is adultery. And, I don't mean to say that I think divorce is the wrong thing to do in all situations. I just feel that people take the easy way out too often.
I think that couples get married too young. They have an unrealistic, media-fueled idea of what marriage should be. They have no idea what the reality of it is. It is hard work. It is even harder when there are kids that depend on you. It takes a commitment, every day. It takes time and affection, communication.
I have a happy marriage. Dave is my soul-mate. I love him and our family more than anything. Nothing is worth giving that up. I work on our relationship. Dave works on our relationship. Together we try to raise our children and make our way in this world. We laugh every day. We support each other. We argue about some things but we always find a way to compromise. We spend time just talking, even if it is for only 15 mins.
The good times far out weigh the bad times. I can't imagine finding comfort in another mans arms. I don't see how I could ever give up on the life we have together. We have been through the hardest of times (custody battles, college, job loss, teenage kids). The fact that we made it through only makes me more committed to our marriage.
We both brought in the lessons we learned from past relationships. I knew what I wanted out of a relationship and I made sure that I could get that from Dave before I married him. He learned from his first marriage what he valued in a spouse, and he made darn sure that we were compatible before he popped the question. We lived together for 5 months before we got engaged, but I knew that when I moved in that I was going to marry him. We just wanted to make sure that it was all going to work out before we made that promise to each other. I have no regrets.
Cheating on your spouse is not an option for me. Getting divorced is something I can't imagine. I am in this for life, through thick and thin. My family is more important then the temporary solution of infidelity. If I am not getting what I need from my spouse, I tell him so. If I am unhappy about something, I take steps to fix it. This is what is right for me. Maybe I am being too judgmental of these people that feel that adultery is an option.
I know that I have to take my rose-colored glasses off sometimes. I still like what I see without them.
