sarcastic wit turns me on

Put on a Happy Face

So, I am mostly back to my Happy-self. I think I have found my resolve again. Do you see my resolve face? The admissions secretary said that everything on my application (except for GPA) is as good or better than the other applicants. They want to be sure that I will be able to pass the licensing exam, which I can understand. I got some good advice about the essay portion of the application. I will take Chem 1120 for a third time, and work my butt off to get an A, which will bring up my GPA. Plus, the classes I am ROCKING this semester will help increas that all important number. I will also start preparing for the NCLEX (the licensing exam) and reviewing old pathophysiology and anatomy notes so that I can BLOW THEIR MIND when the let me in!

Now, if only Dave could find a job....................

P.S.

Thanks to you for your love, support and willingness to listen ( or read). You all know who you are, and I am glad to have you all around to help me pick myself up and get on with life. You will never know how much a few simple words can do. I love you!

the ABC's of Judgement

What does an A say about the kind of person I am?

What does a B say about my 11 years as a Medical Assistant and 10 years of volunteer work, both adding to literally thousands of hours in the medical field?

What does a C say about the kind of student I am, the sacrifices my family and I make every day or the kind of nurse I will be when given the chance?

Apparently, it says everything. Frustrating, but true. Time to give more than I ever thought I could.

again, I say "Next?....."

Dave checked the mail on Thursday and called me to tell me that THE letter from the SUU nursing department was there. He was in the parking lot of the clinic and I was on my way there-I had to stop and get gas.
"Is it a big or small envelope?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"It is small, but it feels thick." He replied. My mind went right to the worst case scenario. I tried to make excuses for the small envelope; maybe they did not send the big package because I have already completed the background check, maybe they will give the packets out at the orientation meeting. I tried to find the positive vibe.
When I got there, he handed the envelope over with a anticipatory grin. I slid my finger under the flap and pulled out the pages. I opened them and scanned the first page. there in the middle of the first paragraph "........you have not been selected for the Spring 2010 BSN program." My throat closed as I tried to put on a brave face. I handed the letter back to Dave, but he knew what it said from the look in my eyes. The next thing I knew, I had my face buried in hes chest, crying and frustrated. What a blow to my ego! Nobody wants this more than I do! All my hard work and sacrifice seemed worthless. What is it that they want me to do? What else do I have to prove? I cried until I left a big wet spot on Dave's shirt.
After I got myself composed, I went into the clinic. But, I was not done crying yet. All my coworkers knew that something was wrong, and I could barely tell them that I did not get in, again. They offered support, and hugs, bless them, but the hugs just made me cry harder. I decided to take the afternoon off. I went for a drive to clear my head.
It was not as easy to find my resolve this time. I cried on and off all afternoon. When I got home, Dave offered some chocolate and another hug. He had bought it to surprise me at work, but I did not tell anyone where I was going. I was feeling a little better, but I knew it was not out of my system yet. I texted my friend Julia (she is currently in the nursing program) to tell her the bad news. She was upset with me, and we complained about the injustice of it all. I needed to be angry this time. I needed to let myself be upset and frustrated and rejected. I will be ready to move on Monday, but this weekend is for letting it all out.
I have a meeting with the admissions secretary on Wednesday, and I am already working on my Fall 2010 application. Now is the time to focus on my grades and keep my 3 A's this semester. I might even be able to pull an A of in stats. I will also find time to volunteer at the local nursing home (I got connections) and get all the help I can with my application essay. I will meet with the head of the program as well, and find out what I need to do to get in next fall. I am finding my resolve. I will persevere. On Monday, I will be ready to say ".......okay, what next?........"

Doughnut Trees

When I was a little girl, my dad told me that If I planted Cheerios in the ground they would grow into doughnut trees. He also told me that brown cows made chocolate milk. I thought he knew everything, and I believed him. And I planted my Cheerios.

The relationship between dad and daughter is not always an easy one, but there is no denying the magic. I see Dave struggling to let his little girl go. Heather will be 18 in less than a month. It is not easy for either of us, but Dave is finding it difficult to realize that we need to let her make some of her own decisions, and her own mistakes. I can see the pride in his eyes when he talks about her--a pride that is mixed with the pain of knowing she is a woman now. I think the pain is because he is not sure of what his role in her life is. She still calls him Daddy and in the same breath she is arguing with him about her plans for next year. I am not sure how to help.

I remember this stage between myself and my own father, and I tell Dave "at least she's not pregnant!" (on my 18th birthday, Drew was a clump of cells in my uterus, only a few weeks old)
Dave does NOT see the humor in that. I tell him that he will always be her daddy, no matter how old she is. I also tell him that she will grow up and make mistakes and do things that we won't approve of (can we say Mickey Mouse tattoo?) but she will always come back and we will always be there for her. There is something so amazing about knowing that your dad will always love you, no matter how bad you screw up. Knowing that he will be there to celebrate the good times and he will help you fix the hard times. It is comforting to know that he will always tease you and tell you to check the oil in your car, call you and lay the guilt down for not calling him first. I know these things because I have a daddy of my own.
As for the Cheerios, one morning I went out to water them and to my amazement, they had finally sprouted. There in the ground were tree branches with powdered doughnuts on the branches. The magic had worked.

MACK, est. 2001

Still together and going strong......

I never thought that I could love Dave any more than I loved him on our wedding day, but a lifetime together--raising our kids, overcoming, persevering, laughing--has made my love for him grow everyday. I would not want it any other way.